How Good Intentions HARM! 😲

❤️ THIS IS IMPORTANT!!! ❤️

Think of a child who is crying. And think of the parent who acknowledges the child’s crying, comforts them, and gives them what they want. 👍

𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭. 🙌

But eventually, as the child gets older, the challenge for the parent will be to distinguish:

📌 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥’𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 (𝘦.𝘨. 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵)

VS.

📌 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥’𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 (𝘦.𝘨. 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘰𝘺)

The parent doesn’t want to reinforce the latter behavior because the child will then keep using it to get what he/she wants. 😭

But what happens when these same kids grow up to become adults? What happens when their physical bodies have matured but not their mental emotions? 🤔

It’s an issue I’m witnessing more and more often: adults who seemingly have not made it through the second half of what parents are supposed to do.

𝐈𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐰𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝. ↔️

It seems more of the default today to assume that if someone cries, it automatically means we need to do everything we can to stop their crying. Regardless of the context, our nurturing instinct comes online instantly to support and comfort them. ❤️

And don’t get me wrong, this instinct is a valuable trait to have! The last thing I want is people thinking I’m promoting some sort of neglect; not at all! 💯

𝐌𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞. 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬. 🙌

And because of this, 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲, 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲. 👤

📌 In our good intentions to stop suffering in the short-term, we inadvertently create more of it for the long-term.

📌 In our desire to be more compassionate, we unintentionally reward both good and bad behavior.

📌 And in our emotional haste, innocent people are needlessly caught in the crossfire.

Without critical thinking, we can end up taking every emotional accusation to be true and every punishment toward an accused to be justified. While behavior for legitimate concerns are reinforced, so are the behaviors of people using it for their own attention, validation, and self-worth. 🤬

Why? 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫. 🙌

It’s in our psychology: ALL our behavior, good or bad, serves a purpose. Yes, we will in fact do things which are destructive toward ourselves and others, not because we’re masochists but because it fulfills a human need we’re not getting from healthier alternatives. ➡️

As for these individuals: the moment they are no longer rewarded in society, the moment they no longer receive validation from their environment, my fear is they will be in for an incredibly rude awakening. They’re going to be hit with the realization that the world, in fact, does not revolve around them. They’re going to be faced with a deep existential problem within themselves that’s not going to be pleasant. 🙁

I’ve lived it myself. ❤️

The truth is that life doesn’t work that way. The world does not revolve around us. Life is constantly changing. The world is constantly changing.

The lesson I wish to impart on you all is if we constantly rely on finding happiness outside ourselves, we’re going to continually be disappointed. We’re going to continually experience suffering when it doesn’t have to be the case. 😔

I’ve learned that if we truly want to live our lives in ways that are more fulfilling, more happy, and more satisfying, we first have to leave the emotional home we’ve been stuck in for so long. We have to be okay with accepting the “harder truths” of life, even when they’re not pleasant.

But because I now accept them, and because I’ve had the experience of being on both sides of the coin, I feel so much more alive today because of it! 🙌

📌 I would NOT be where I am today if I kept believing the world needed to revolve around me.

📌 I would NOT be where I am today if my happiness was dependent upon someone else’s acceptance of who I am.

📌 I would NOT be where I am today if everything in life had to go exactly the way I wanted it to.

I am gay, yes. I was diagnosed with Autism, yes. If anyone wants more ammo, I was also diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, yes. 👍

If you don’t accept me for it, that’s fine. If you discriminate me for it, so be it. As Les Brown beautifully put it: “Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”

I love the person, but I won’t reinforce the bad behavior. 👍

Just like a parent wouldn’t, right? 😉

Words and insults don’t mean anything unless we give them power. There are indeed moments where someone else’s words have sparked a tenseness and change in my emotions. It happens to us all. But when it does happen, the challenge is to take a step back and remind oneself: “𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.” 🤷♂️

🌟 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫; 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. 🌟

I say all this because I don’t want more people to needlessly suffer. I’m sure you don’t either. ❤️

— — — -

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA

TikTok: https://bit.ly/3TTOcOP

LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/2RER81M

Facebook: https://bit.ly/3LRNxMd

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2t2Kd8A