Your MOST Important Valentine!

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

What does Valentine’s Day mean to you?

💓 A day to share love with the people in your life?

💘 A day to spend time with that “special someone”?

💔 A day to remind you of the fact you’re still single?

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 #𝟑, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮!

For all my single friends out there: no need to fret! 😁

What if I told you I’ve NEVER been in a relationship?! 😱

“𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐘!!!”❌

Don’t get me wrong, I used to DESPERATELY want one! Back in high school, I was on ALL the dating apps: Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Tinder, etc. I had them ALL covered! 😅

🗣️ “𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥?!” 🗣️

At the time I didn’t really know, nor did it ever cross my mind to really ask myself why. All I knew was I wanted to be in one! 🤷‍♂️

I just wanted to find that “special someone” that would make me happy. 🙁

🌟 BUT THEREIN WAS THE PROBLEM! 🌟

𝐈 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫.

Often we’re taught through love stories that if we’re in a relationship with that “special someone” the heavens will magically open and all will live happily ever after. 😊

It’s quite a romantic way of looking at relationships…but as a teenager I didn’t understand that that was NOT reflective of reality! 😅

And I get why we keep believing this: We tend to only see the POSITIVE moments in a couple’s relationship, on display in our social lives and for all to see on social media. 🖼️

We often don’t hear about the negative or challenging moments that happen, despite them happening within EVERY relationship! 💯

𝐖𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐖𝐞’𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠-𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞. ❤️

But I didn’t know this when I was younger! So, as a naive teenager, WHY WOULDN’T I want to be in a relationship? They all seemed to be nothing but smooth sailing! They looked like mindless fun! 😍

But in 2017 I had this big change in perspective. I made the unanimous decision to UNINSTALL and DELETE every dating app I was on! 😲

🗣️ “𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐲?!” 🗣️

Of all the countless hours I spent on those apps, I had finally become drained of my willingness to keep searching for that “special someone”. 😓

If I could take the ratio of time I spent browsing dating apps to the amount of time I actually spent talking with someone, it would be like 500 to 1! 👎

Ultimately, my excessive searching was a time-waster! And the worst part of all: I kept making myself feel worse every time I logged off the apps when I had no luck. I blamed MYSELF for it! 😥

⚠️ 𝐈 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟: “𝐍𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞! 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞!” ⚠️

…And then holidays like Valentine’s Day came around every year. They would only FURTHER reinforce a cycle of self-pity that I wasn’t in a relationship! 😫

So, what was the “final straw” for me to make such a drastic change?

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄!!! ❤️

Since my teenage years, I’ve come to greater realizations about why I wanted to be in a relationship in the first place:

⚠️ I thought being in a relationship was the answer to making me happy. But it wasn’t.

⚠️ I thought being in a relationship was the key to receiving approval from others. But it wasn’t.

⚠️ I thought being in a relationship was the key to filling the void of loneliness inside me. But it wasn’t.

As awful as it sounds, 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐲 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫. 🧸

But people aren’t objects! And owning more objects won’t make you fulfilled in the long-term! 💯

As Mark Manson puts it, “𝘜𝘯𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 — 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘦. 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳’𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵.” 🙌

I had been practicing the former. ⚠️

🚨 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐌𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 “𝐖𝐄” 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 “𝐌𝐄”. 🚨

How many of us get into a relationship primarily for selfish reasons? I challenge you to seriously think about it! 💯

So, in sharing my story, I hope you see a part of yourself in this. Sometimes what we’re actually looking for is not that “special someone” but actually something much closer to home. 🏠

❤️ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄…𝐈𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔!!! ❤️

🌟 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞. 🌟
.
Again, for all my single friends: no need to fret!

❤️ Relationships are not all sunshine and rainbows. We often don’t see what goes on behind-the-scenes, the ongoing commitment required from both people, or the negative moments that happen within them.

❤️ Inner happiness and fulfillment needs to come from YOU first. Fill up your cup so you can share what’s overflowing with a future lover. If you can’t love yourself first, don’t expect it to come from elsewhere, because that’s a dangerous road to Codependency.

❤️ Self-love is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Because the only person you’re with 100% of your life…is You! So start learning to be comfortable in your own company.

Today is an opportunity for you to change your perspective on how you see relationships. They are not a place you go to GET but a place you go to GIVE, and not being in one DOESN’T determine your self-worth. 🚫

Make Valentine’s Day a day for you to give love in whatever way you know best! For me, writing this post to share with all of you is one of them! 😁

Truly, you’re not alone! ❤️

— — — -

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA

TikTok: https://bit.ly/3TTOcOP

LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/2RER81M

Facebook: https://bit.ly/3LRNxMd

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2t2Kd8A